Written by: Katyayani Mishra
What’s the feeling of belonging that you can never explain in words. You feel at home sometimes, with arms wrapped around you, like you are accepted and saved almost from the fate of Ophelia. When you look around and feel lonely, you crave for someone. You crave to be seen and held. What happens is that we get so used to “faking it till we make it” that when we are engulfed with humanity and the healthy obsession that comes with love, you can’t resist it, you let yourself feel it. Then comes the doubts. What if? Why? Till when? How? And it’s until you feel safe, you don’t show yourself.
No one has touched me with honesty,
No one earnestly wanted me.
I’m too flawed, is what I thought till he didn’t see me.
He makes me feel seen, his gaze follows me, piercing into my soul, hitting my soul like a bullet, and my heart detects him like a scanner.
But, he’s not like the ones before who withered away when light shone on them,
He is my light that I can’t escape.
He translates the language in which I show myself to him & none of it is lost.
All that I can think of sometimes is if I can’t be his, I can’t be anyone else’s.
He loves me.
His care feels like an axe on my chest and his goodness remains like a certainty.
If he’s like religion, I’m a faithful worshipper,
If he’s an executioner, I’m his aide.
The pain of never having anyone like him comes over to me making me feel teary eyed.
He’s my want, my need, my desire, and here I am thinking, am I too barbarous than a woman is ought to be?
Conclusion
You can be seen by a lot of people but who’s willing to clean up your house, the mess after everyone goes? Who will be there for you when you need someone to hold on to? These are questions in my mind that keep coming in my mind and I know that he’s going to be there, when I need him. And to me that is true love. It’s not only in the storm but also in the daylight, the love will speak for itself. It seems you and doesn’t make you feel small. Every midnight will keep you awake with stories and dreams and it’ll never end because you don’t romanticise it if it’s true.
