Written by: Katyayani Mishra
Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is the only strength that keeps allowing someone to feel brave, like they can face themselves instead of running away. It is easier to pretend than to admit the ache of wanting love, care, and the freedom of simply being a child.
Vulnerability should feel like a safety net that I never had.
Growing up, I hid behind my pain, behind the smile, because it was easier. It was easier to think that you were drowning despite knowing that you could swim.
If only I had been loved the way I was supposed to be, like a child being taken care of, instead of fighting the kind of battles that I was for so long.
I watched other children of my age getting the kind of opportunities that I wished I had.
How lucky are others?
Why can’t I be the same?
I’m not a good person. I turned cold, my heart stopped feeling, I stopped being myself, the very instant I stopped myself from crying.
Vulnerability, you scare me. It threatens to break the walls of survival that I built over the years, which have weakened me.
I really wish that vulnerability sits beside me to break me open and allow me to feel all the emotions that I once hid from.
One day, I know I was brave, I just needed to break through from it.
Conclusion:
Vulnerability is a liberation. It bridges the self you’ve lost and the one that you’d find. And, I know that allowing myself to unravel and undo in it, will make me feel brave or anyone for that matter.
